Contradictions

I spend most of my days perplexed by, yet somehow in awe of the act of being.

…and other contradictions.

This existence is riddled with contradictions. I believe it is impossible to be without being a hypocrite.

We all contradict ourselves all the time. I am an animal lover who eats chicken. There are vegans/vegetarians who drive leather-ridden cars. There are inherently rude and insensitive people who are God-fearing/religious.

And all of it is okay. We all pick and choose what’s most important to us. The generalizations we make based on our choices are what lead to the hypocrisy. But no matter how hard we try, there will always be a contradiction we just don’t notice. An existence without contradictions – without hypocrisy – seems simply impossible.

So why do we often feel ashamed when our hypocrisy is brought to our attention? Why can’t we accept that we are everything, all at once? As Walt Whitman wrote, “I am large. I contain multitudes.”

But my favorite and most frustrating contradiction is my inability to decide how I feel about life. I am simultaneously perplexed by and in awe of it.

There are days when I wish I wasn’t alive. Then there are days when even the idea of death doesn’t seem good enough. On those days I don’t want my soul to exist.

But then there are days when this world is magnificent. Days when I want to be a sponge and soak up all the goodness around. For me, those are usually days filled with books, loved ones, and comfort food. On those days, it feels like I have a zest for life that could last me a lifetime.